Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Dear February,

You were month were I decided to finally be ok. But mostly, I made the decision to be myself, something I wasn’t for a long time. I started listening to Nirvana again, and Paul McCartney, some of my favorite artist I had miss in this hiatus of being me. I stopped listening to people and hop on the bike again. I also, threw myself in the water and no words can explain how it felt, to be one with the water, to allow my arms and legs to move freely, and to forget everything for an hour or more and just be inside the water. I opened my story again, a file that had been closed for months, I finally wrote again. I felt like my hand couldn’t stop and I felt that connection a writer feels with their characters.
At times, however, I felt suffocated. Like I could not breathe in this town. I felt trapped, trapped in a world I didn’t not belong. A place where I do not want to felt classified as. I need to get out, that’s the only thing that went through my mind. I realize I needed time off, but I still haven’t taken it. I felt like I could not continue living in this town and I needed to step aside. I still do, but I have to live with it at least for three more years. That’s ok I guess.
And lastly, in this second month of the year, I saw life differently. I made the decision I was not going to care. I was just going to “ef it”, if you know what I mean. My life is moving forward, I was going to go on without a care in the world. Not only what people say, but what was happening around me. I need to just think for a second and then turn around. I realize that by caring and worrying nothing happens. I realize if other people do not care, then nothing is going to change them, so just go on with life.