Tuesday, December 22, 2015

To my biggest fan....

I think in a way you would have love this, to have your own post here. I wish it didn’t have to be under this conditions. You out of all the people in my life, you were my biggest fan, not just here but in everything I did. I never said it but I loved your comments and I’ll miss them. Every day as I move forward in my career I think about your comments and all your support.
There were three aspects of you I’ll hold close forever and I can only hope to be the person you were. The first one is your adventures. I remember spending hours with you, listening to your stories, everywhere you went. I still remember thinking how I wanted that life, to go on the same adventures you went to. I want to go to all the places you went and see all the things you saw. I want to tell my grandchildren everything you told us. But the fact that I won’t hear all the stories again or the fact that there are so many stories you forgot to tell us, breaks me every day. Every day I think, what story would he have told me today? I would always remember you on my kitchen table talking about all this with a smile and asking me the same question: “and your boyfriend?” (Grandpa he is not around and I doubt we’ll see him anytime soon).
I would always admire your strength. You were the strongest person I knew, the toughest soldier. When we were saying goodbye everyone would tell us how strong you were, how you never complain, not once. Even when it hurt, when you felt like you couldn’t you manage to get up, you manage to make me smile or to crack a smile even yourself, just like last time I saw you. My strength to write all this is inspire by yours, all the times you got up, even when you couldn’t. I’m writing this thinking about your strength because although it breaks my heart to write this sort of goodbye letter, I know you would like it, I know it is what I have to do. So thank you, thank you for inspiring me to write this and giving me the strength to write.
Maybe this is my favorite trait and one that I would never forget: your love, for us, and by us I mean everyone, your sons and daughters, your wife and all your grandchildren. I remember how all of us laid on your lap, you weren’t officially a grandchildren until you were on your lap. Every day, maybe it was a struggle for you but you never stop loving us. Going back to what I said before, I still remember all the effort you made to some and see us that last time. Looking back I know it hurt, but that never stop you from coming home and spending time with us, it never stop the 40km drive, you just loved us that much. My last memory with you, maybe it isn’t in the prettiest place but I’ll always remember your smile when you saw me, how happy you looked just like every time you saw us. So, me this cold heart girl, who does not understand the meaning of love, I hope one day to love people the way you did.
I recently made a promise to myself, and maybe to you too. I promise to never stop writing. I stopped this last few months because I couldn’t find myself but now, I promise to never stop. I promise to you to never stop. I’ll write at least one each week, even if it sucks even if I can’t remember the last time I ate because it is finals season, I’ll write. I don’t know if where you are you can see this, I really hope you do. I hope that where ever you are you are happy, you are spending time outside and you are near the sea, I hope you are sitting outside and you see all the green and hear the birds. But mainly I hope you are seeing us play, I hope you can read this because this is how I’m saying goodbye to you, because I’ll always remember your comments here. I love you forever and I’ll miss you every day.