I’m terrified to post this because the person who this is About might read, so if you are, uhm, hi. Sorry if this bother you but you once told me to forget what people thiNk, to just write and not be ashameD of my blog.
This pAst week I felt heartbreak. At least that whAt it felt like. You know, crying every now and then, burning in your heart, Taylor Swift album on repeat and remembering the small things. Heart break is what you Feel when you find his pIctures on your phone, when his name is on your Snapchat story is that feeLing on your chest when there are chances you could run into hiM on Saturday night at the club. Heart break is me writing this.
I’m a cold person, so to wArm up to someone it was one of the haRdest and strangest feelings I experienced. I swore to myself at the beginning I will not allowed myself to feel this. And another part of me was like “Nah, let yourself go.” You might think, “Well you Probably hate yourself right now, but I dOn’t. It is not only part of life but the writeR in me tells me to experience life aNd all its feelings, right Now it is time to feel my heart breaking. Maybe in a few months I will feel real love (not that I never love you, it was nOt love love, at least it didn’t get there. I hope you understand what I felt because maybe, you did too).
I will not regret this feeling or whatever we had because after all I did learn somethings. I learn to let myself go, and have fun. I learn to ignore what others say and just do what makes me happy. I learn to see life different because of this person. Isn’t strange what a person can teach us in a few months? I also learn heart break, and how to deal with it, (Taylor Swift, a party, and junk food are the key). But its part of life and life is not all sunshine and unicorns.
To all of you experiencing this feeling I’m sorry to tell you that you will feel it in the small things: you’ll haTe waking up and not finding his texts, you’ll miss his videos and every time you eat donUts it will remind you of him. On the other hand, I know that one day you will smile when you go back to the bar because of the memories and not because it will remind you of this feeling. I know what when you see him at the club or at a party you will smile at him and ask how many Videos is he filming this week, insteAd of having your smile vanish the moment you see him. I know that you won’t Curse him when you talk to his friends, instead you’ll ask them how he is doing and if he is happy. I just know heArt break is temporarily and one day it will be fine.
If you are reading this (which a side of me doesn’t want you to, but another wants you to know all of this), I hope you know how much I care for you, more than I ever did for anyone-And I’m the type who cares about everyone- how I got worry every night you went out and couldn’t sleep properly until I got the “I’m home” text. How I always made sure you were breathing properly when you fell asleep. And how I ran to help you that night they told me you were not doing good. Maybe he’ll hate you for posting this, but like I said before: he told you not to be ashamed and work on your blog. And here you are building the courage to write and share your heart break story with the world, and with him.
Ps: I wrote this not for him but for myself and all my readers who understand this feeling
Ps 2: thank you to Coni from Pilana & Co for the help here